I haven’t watched the movie!… But let me tell you this:
I can Transform ya! And watching that Process is greater than any movie!
Whatever I say, however I bent it, the truth about charismatic psychopaths – of which I am one – is, that we do seem to have a certain mental power to influence people in many ways which others usually cannot.
It has been said about me that I can change people in ways so that they will never again be the same as they were.
I guess this is true about every kind of situation where two individuals get close to one another.
But in my case the change I bring about seems to be more profound, a deeper kind of transformation which has much more far reaching consequences.
I will no attempt to lie and say I haven’t done this in ways that are less than beneficial to those I did it to. Especially – perhaps – for those who ended up dead because of it. And it is true, I have victimized people, I’ve done it many, many times. – But why?
Did I do it because I am evil and only find amusement in hurting others?
This is a common notion about psychopaths that I would like to counter, because as a psychopath myself who have met a larger number of psychopaths than most people normally do (due to the circles in which I have had my comings and goings over the years, and – not least – in the maximum facilities where I’ve done prison time), I know this is far from always the case.
Sure, there are those who have had such unfortunate upbringings that they’ve developed Antisocial traits beyond what is normal, even for psychopaths, and those are the ones we hear about in the media.
But in reality there’re just as many of us who basically would enjoy just as much to have a good, a benevolent, impact upon those we come in touch with.
In my own case I believe unfortunate circumstances have brought with them a certain sense of bitterness, which has led to my tendencies towards victimizing people. But there is no question in my mind about it being also a fact, that in periods where I feel content and satisfied, I tend towards trying to influence people in a positive way.
And furthermore: I have done so on several occasions!
Again, those occasions do not figure on my crime sheet or in my journals… Well, maybe they do, but the descriptions always somehow get turned around so as to make it seem as if I’ve been harming every person that I’ve had an altering effect upon, …as if I’ve been harming even those people who themselves say that I’ve helped them, and who say I was the main force in making a fundamental change in them come about, a change which would not otherwise have happened.
The person who gave me the book ‘Snakes in Suits’ says – in his own words:
[Zhawq], you are the one person I’ve learned most from. I owe you my life, for you made me become like a new person. I no longer suffer from self doubt issues that used to hold me back and keep me from pursuing my life long goals of an education, and it was you who rekindled my wish to study my art, and I now see a possibility for success! In short, you have completely transformed me!
On days when I’m in a horrible mood such words don’t mean a whole lot to me. But on more stable days I really do take pleasure in the fact that I have the power to create such an impact on other people’s lives.