Can a Psychopath bond with other people, and if they can, what does ‘bonding’ entail for a psychopath? Does he feel love the same way that normal people do? Do I, myself a psychopath, feel love toward those whom I call ‘my loved ones’? What DO I feel? And am I persistent? Can I be Trusted in a Relationship? I hope in the following to answer some of these questions.
From my understanding, you are an admitted Psychopath?
Yes, it wasn’t easy and I fought it for quite a while (which shows in my earlier postings), but after studying what psychopathy is for the last 2-3 years since I started my website Psychopathic Writings I’ve had to admit that I do fit the psychiatric definition of a Psychopath. Before that time I didn’t acknowledge having any connection to psychopathy.
If so, I find that interesting in itself and also interesting that you believe you only hurt people that threaten you or your loved ones. Can you honestly say that your statement is true?
Sometimes I really do believe it to be true, but when I look at it from a more objective point I guess I must admit it isn’t true. Still, I’d argue it is true to the extent that I do never plan to hurt or harm just for the sake of hurting and harming. When it happens – when I hurt/harm someone – it happens for a reason though I must admit it isn’t always obvious to the other person what that reason is. Unless I’m acting out in a state of furious rage, I’m always prepared to explain why I did what I did to the person, but at that point not all people care to hear about logical reasoning or causality. But as I see it, if you’re not interested in learning about the reasons for someone else’s behavior or in finding out about the truth behind an event that you’ve witnessed or become the center of, then you’re missing out not only once, but twice – first because you got in the line of fire, intended or not, and secondly because you don’t care to learn something new. Knowledge is power, it comes in all sizes and guises.
How is it that you determine if someone has enough value to you to be considered a loved one?
It differs a little from one time to another and depends somewhat upon the mood I’m in when I decide it, but it also differs depending on the person I’m interested in and what my values and goals are at the time, so it’s a very difficult question to answer in a way that doesn’t come out as contradictory or vague. I also place different values on various people, for instance, I appreciate a woman who likes to have sex with me but I wouldn’t want that from even the best of pals. One thing I cannot stand is when people who consider themselves my friends lie to me because they’re afraid I’ll look down on them if they tell me the truth. They should know it isn’t necessary to lie to me, I never put my friends down for not being as good at something as I am, I basically never put people down for being honest.
It is very common for psychopaths to be very understanding and forthcoming at the start of a friendship or relationship, and then when they know you better and have created a space for themselves in your life, they begin to show their abusive side, they become controlling, degrading, even sadistic. I used to be like this but never did it to everybody I got in touch with. I have always found it important to have a good base of friends that you can trust and who can always trust you, to treat everybody like shit seems to me like being at war with everybody. I don’t need that.
I do sincerely try my very best to remain consistent when I’ve determined that someone is a ‘loved one’ to me, and I’m pretty good at it too, if I may say so myself – especially when we look at it in a perspective based on how psychopaths usually are with stability and treating those close to them well, and my way isn’t completely heard of. There are even examples of psychopathic serial killers who have retained a marriage with kids and were seen as nothing but a loving husband and supportive dad.
Now the ’emotional connection’ between me and those I call my ‘loved ones’ is more practical than emotional for me, not because I don’t think they’re worthy of deep feelings but because that is what I have to give, and I certainly can like someone very much and have no doubt that when the right woman comes along, I’ll like her beyond anyone or anything I’ve ever liked, and I’ll not be one to leave without notice or to stay out with other women, or the like. I would need my space, undoubtedly, but I would be just as prepared to give my woman space.
I see it this way: When you think about it you’ll see that it is beneficial to all parties if we behave caring and friendly towards people in general and definitely towards our loved ones, rather than aggressively and hostile, right? On the opposite perspective I believe it’s just as beneficial to all parties if we can take action when we’re being wronged, it isn’t good for society to disarm it’s population because it breeds a nation of victims. When people have to rely on an outside authority to keep their loved ones safe you get a person who doesn’t have an inner pillar of self esteem based on the knowledge that he can, will and may take action if a situation calls for it.
I think that having taken such action myself is part of the reason why I’m generally more friendly and caring – when I get the chance to be so – than most so called normal people are, because I know first hand what the consequences might be if you overstep the boundaries of others and don’t respect their personal space, and most of all, I think it’s the right way to do things; you certainly have fewer dumb people wallowing around destroying the property of others just because it’s ‘fun’, or who insults a stranger passing them by on some street knowing well that the stranger can’t afford to do what every person should do when met with an insult from some numbnut, because the law in your state happens to say you aren’t allowed to take matters (your matters) into your own hands – you must call the authorities and have them do it for you.
I hope this answers some of your questions. I will try to answer more questions of this nature in upcoming articles as I know a lot of my Readers have showed an interest in these. It also helps me in my own quest toward a better understanding of how I – and how normal people – function emotionally and psychologically.
