B: I guess you can safely say my childhood was dominated by Conduct Disordered behavior.
Zhawq: Yes, I gathered as much. B, have you ever been to jail?
B: Man, have I ever been to jail. It’s less than 2 months since I was released the last time. Prior to that I did little over ten years for murder … two in one, no less, and I’ve done 5 years for murder as a youth also. In between that I’ve done time for various things.
Zhawq: You mentioned something about not caring about whether others know what you are and what you have done in the past. Will you explain that further?
B: Sure. – Well, when I say I don’t care if others know about me – what I am and so on – it’s only where the Internet is concerned. The Internet’s a new thang to me, y’know. Having been in prison for so long I’ve never really become acquainted with this brilliant technology, so recently I thought … after having been browsin’ around for some time, and also seein’ what you’ve been doin’ here … “Why not? Might as well see how people will react if they hear from someone like me, and if I just tell ’em stuff from my angle as I really actually do see it.
Zhawq: That’s why you agreed to let me have this Interview with you?
B: Yeah, but it’s more than that. I’ve been participating elsewhere also. Just on a single forum though, but it was quite the experience where seeing how others react to someone like me is concerned.
Zhawq: Would you care to tell us about it? How did people respond, and what did you tell them?
B: Well okay, at first I just went to that forum … y’know, a forum for Personality Disorders, they had a board specifically for Antisocial Personality Disorder … In hindsight I can see I wasn’t doing things the smartest way I could’ve. I actually invited a trolling numbnut to try and engage me in an online dick-measuring contest, and at the time I thought “Hey, why not? It’s a way to find out more so why the hell not”, so I humored the bitch. It was a girl, actually. Real Antisocial, which in itself ain’t no problem to me, but she was narcissistic as hell too and before I knew it one third of all my posts went in reply to her shit.
Zhawq: Shit? That’s all she gave you?
B: Well, Zhawq, I’m not one to call shit on everybody, it’s not like that. I was merely being inexperienced … it’s new to me that people can address in every way they wanna and there ain’t shit I can do to repay their favors. That lured me into doing what I would’ve done in real life, where things would also have ended differently. But that’s not the issue here.
Zhawq: What’s the issue then?
B: The issue, I’d say is that … Hell!, I’ll be damned if I didn’t run into the last thing I’d have ever expected from that angle … the Antisocial angle, that is. Thing is, I came there to be honest, which I was, and still am – I’m still frequenting the place, as I’ve found there ARE a few genuinely interested parties around, or they come once in a while, anyway – and then, when I’m finally being totally honest, people don’t believe me.
Zhawq: They didn’t believe you?
B: That’s what I’m sayin’: They didn’t believe me! (laughs out loud)
Zhawq: But … How come? There must’ve been a reason for that?
B: I’ll be damned if I know, Zhawq. Maybe it’s because of the way I started out. But still, I’d think it was quite apparent; y’know, when I talk genuine, I don’t exactly say the same kind’a thing that normal people say.
But I’ve thought about it some more. Latest there was a newly arrived participant who – as the second of maybe two who seemed to sense that I’m genuine … Hah! ‘Genuine’, what a word to use for being a psychopath! (chuckles) … and he started asking me questions about some of the things I’d been saying in previous posts – things most of the others, and certainly not the little shit-head I’d been saying ’em to, hadn’t asked further into. The guy actually seems quite intelligent (pauses) …
…And he says to me at one point: “Y’know, Blake, one doesn’t wanna be had! That’s why I’ve been asking about you being a psychopath and stuff, to see if it was for real, that you weren’t just posin’!”
Zhawq: Posing as being a psychopath, I’ve seen quite a few examples of that too…
B: Well I ain’t seen any examples o’ that … until now that is. And when this guy wrote this to me, it just made me wonder, ’cause … y’know, between ourselves, I mean – people who are psychopaths ourselves – we never have any trouble seein’ who’s what. I mean, have you ever had issues with spotting a psychopath, Zhawq?
Zhawq: Well, generally speaking, no. But that could be for other reasons. I’m not myself a psychopath, you know.
B: I know that? … (Sarcastic) Right!! … But you know what I mean. Thing is, I hadn’t expected that others, even the Antisocials and the Sociopaths – that they would have such a problem spotting us. But then, I’m fairly sure some of ’em were just having a go-around with an Internet newbie. (laughs)
Still, makes you wonder, eh? Psychopathy has become such a status symbol you can’t go clean and be open about it without being questioned, people suspecting you for just being out to gain notoriety or somethin’. I almost regret telling ’em I’ve killed three people. Ha!
Zhawq: Really? You regret telling them that?
B: (wry smile).
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