Thrill Seeking can be such a bitch!
…If thrill seeking is really what it is!?
I’ll admit, it’s not at all like watching TV, that, which I always seem driven to seek!
I have always had a very strong drive towards the extreme, that which truly can make an impact upon you, give you that kick or transmitter rush.
But the word ‘thrill’ somehow seems hollow, mean, and common.
Why do the experts say this is because we don’t feel very much, that it is because our feelings are ‘shallow’? – I’ve always thought of it as being more like the opposite: If you have the capacity to feel, won’t that be what makes you want to pursue feelings? And if you don’t feel very much, why would you be that much interested in seeking up new situations and experiences all the time – I mean, if they don’t make you feel very much anyway?
Of course I do understand what they mean. It’s just that I think it can be seen from a different perspective, which is what I’m trying to present here.
They also talk about ‘Novelty Seeking’ among us. It sounds so base, so inane, yes – so shallow! …I don’t think of myself as shallow at all, I never did, and I guess that was one of the reasons that I could never make it fit reality that I should be given the diagnosis of a Psychopath.
So these past 6 to 8 months have been eye-opening in the sense that I’ve finally gotten around to reading some of the books and texts about psychopathy, which has brought me to see things from the ‘normal’ person’s perspective, or the researcher’s perspective.
And I really must admit that I loath those days – or (horror!) weeks – where there’s not much else I can do but turn on the TV and hope for the best, that it JUST may provide a small fractional reminiscense of what it is I really need. And yes, I use the word ‘need’, because this goes beyond wishing or wanting!